smcquate's Xanga

Acceptance

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 15:26:01 GMT

I’ve been doing some soul searching lately…I feel like I’ve always been in the game when it comes to living out loud for Christ. But honestly, right now, I’m struggling to find my role in this. I have a resume that I’m proud of, if I were to brag about how God has used me, but my current state of how I’m living feels unfruitful. I don’t want to go all out and say it isn’t, because it is a different kind of fruit that I won’t see being reproduced for years. I’m just used to having a mile wide influence and being spread an inch thick and now I feel a mile deep and an inch wide. It is new…

I could even say lately I’ve felt lost, even depressed. Not because God hasn’t been extremely good to my family, but because I feel like I haven’t been extremely good to Him. I’ve been so busy managing my stuff that I’ve neglected to shout out praise to Him by how I live. I’m worried quite often about things that don’t hold a candle to anything eternal. How am I going to get my backyard done before the HOA slaps a fine on me, my wood floors are cracking, I’ve got 98 spindles to paint on my stair rail, a big month at work, raises, bonuses, position…. How do I focus my family on things that matter eternally, how do I build an eternal perspective in my family when my actions support these other things?

I’ve been reading a couple books to try and help me wake up from this slump I feel stuck in. To help me find how I fit in this mess. But when it comes down to it I’m already found. And, I have been uniquely made for a purpose. The struggle shouldn’t be for God’s acceptance, I’m already accepted. I’m already His friend, His child, His bride (weird being a guy to say that). I am being fiercely pursued. The question isn’t about being loved, I was loved enough for Christ to die for me while I was yet a sinner. The question is how can I accept that I’m already found and glorify God in the midst of my acceptance? Once I grasp the Lord’s acceptance; I can joyfully be a living sacrifice.

Through natural (general) revelation my kids help with this picture. They adore me in my imperfection and I am fiercely committed to them in their misbehavior.

Jenn helps me in this picture, she is fiercely committed to me.

My friends help me, they are there for me.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:28:52 GMT

Here is our family Christmas Letter we never got out. Sorry!

McQuate’s 2008 Christmas Letter – Castle Rock, CO

By: Seth, Jenn, Job and Lilah

Those friends in Colorado might wonder why I would include a city and state in my title. I know I thought it was funny seeing that in the intro or title of those I have received. The thing is, our family is all over this nation. That is new for me, but a sign of the times I guess. Jenn has family in Ohio, Nebraska, and Colorado and I have family in Ohio, Alabama and South Carolina. Plus, although I can’t tell what tomorrow will bring, we bought our first home which I think we will settle down for awhile, but we’ll get to that.

I thought last year was pretty crazy as far as the life changing experiences that had happened, but this year might have just surpassed 2007.

The big events for 2008 were:

· February – Jenn became a stay at home Mom

· June - The birth of our little girl, Lilah Ann Marie McQuate

· July - The purchase of our first home

· October – Seth turning 30

We were married only one month when we found out about Lilah and we knew a tough decision had to be made, “When can Jenn become a stay at home Mom?” It took us a few months but in February we worked it out for Jenn to put a hold on her career and make the move from the business world to the role of a homemaker. The timing worked out especially nice because it allowed Job to have some time with just Mom before his world would be rocked by having to share her. And boy was it rocked!

Lilah was born 27 June 2008 and weighed 5.16 lbs. Six months later she is now around 15 lbs. She has curly brown hair like me and Jenn’s blue eyes. She is a happy and healthy six month old. She loves to smile and make growling noises that don’t sound like they should come from such a cute little girl.

Job has grown to be very fond of his little sister, but there was an adjustment. He actually asked us if we could take her back at one point. But it wasn’t long after he began to ask us if we could pick up another one at a garage sale. (I guess we visited too many garage sales, but with one income you have to bargain shop right!)

Job will be 3 in February and is turning into such a handsome young boy. He is all boy as we hear often from Sunday school workers. Basically he is aggressive and a little rowdy. Given the “Wild at Heart” fan I am I’m okay with that and don’t want him to become anything else. He is a natural athlete who loves all sports. He can kick field goals, hit baseballs with a real aluminum bat, shoot hoops around 7’ high, dribble a soccer ball, loves to wrestle with me, and can run forever! I love being able to share my passion of sports with him! His other passion is tractors! If you want to get Job’s attention tell him a story about tractors! Movies about tractors, books about tractors, tractor toys to lift jelly beans (his dirt inside for the winter), or excavate roads outside. He just loves them!

We scored on a beautiful home in Castle Rock. 3045 Mountain Sky Dr, Castle Rock, CO 80104 for those who want to mapquest.com or zillow.com it. The house is a 3 bdr 2 ½ bath home on about 1/3 of an acre backing to open space. We have made a lot of improvements since the original purchase and I think we can safely say that we have found a home to grow into. Job’s favorite room is the basement, Lilah’s is the loft, mine is the family room and Jenn’s is her master retreat. There is still some work to do, but we have a lifetime.

Lastly, I turned 30. Yeah-yeah, old man turning gray. I’m okay with that because every day I get to see my kids gain new experiences and learn something they didn’t know yesterday. Jenn and I are enjoying a love of a lifetime and I couldn’t ask to be more blessed from our Father in Heaven. Job knows his God, Lilah will learn, and Jenn and I will continue to grow closer to Him as we grow closer to each other.

Thanks for reading our 2008 Christmas Letter and I hope to hear from you soon!

Remember to thank Christ for the blessings in your life during this season and for the Eternal Gift He made possible through His sacrifice on the Cross. I know times are tough but this like anything is temporary and those who know Him will share in His glory one day. So get to know Him because my family and I want to spend eternity with you.

Seth, Jenn, Job and Lilah

The McQuate Family

3045 Mountain Sky Dr

Castle Rock, CO 80104

s.mcquate@comcast.net

Seth Cell: 303-918-3642

Jenn Cell: 720-939-4441

Marriage in Heaven

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:13:30 GMT

This is an email I wrote to a friend about marriage in Heaven. I wanted to share it with everyone who cares to read because I think it speaks to how important our marriages are and how amazing being Christ's bride will be.

Why isn't there marriage in Heaven?

http://www.godandscience.org/doctrine/marriageinheaven.html

I think this is a good article that explains what I was trying to convey to in Moab. I don’t feel like I communicated well all weekend…trying to take a moment to answer a very important and emotional question was not right and I’m sorry. I didn’t trust God to allow the Spirit to work in our relationship and allow ourselves to further explore the question. The question shows sincere passion and connection for your spouse which is why we have the gift of marriage! It is so good and dear! But it is a gift that God has given us to enjoy for our time on Earth that will be replaced by something so much better in Heaven. As the article says, God loves us too much to take away something good and replace it with something bad…He will be replacing it with something so much better than we can imagine or comprehend due to the limitations on our physical mind and body.

I used to think that God was out to get me…for example I can remember driving to my girlfriends in high school and couldn’t find a brush I had put in my truck. I remember thinking that God was out to make me look bad for her so she would leave me. I thought that He didn’t like what I liked and He was going to take her away from me, therefore leaving me unhappy. Silly example I know, but it brings great Truth! God doesn't give and take away to make you unhappy or to get you...it is because He has something better for you.

God loves me so much...say He did allow for events that would make her leave, it was only to replace her with who He created for me because He knows me better than I could know myself and my greatest wisdom doesn’t compare to his understanding of what He created. He knew I’d be with Jenn someday and prepared me for her and Job. Just like He knew you would be with Johan and prepared you. But He also has something so much greater in store for us than this brief time in this physical body. When we realize we are sinners and in need of Christ we become a new creation upon that acceptance of Christ. This means once and always the Holy Spirit enters into us and we have been restored. If you made a personal decision to accept Christ because of your individual need for Him than you’re secure for eternity, period! No question, no worries! You are Christ’s bride!!! What a perfect and pure plan He has for us to know Him like that and for Him to know us! We can’t even fathom how wonderful Paradise will be.

Because of God’s gift of marriage we are able to see a greater portrait of who He is by seeing a greater portion of His attributes through your spouse. You were both made in His image so I see a greater picture of the feminine attributes of my Lord in Jenn so I can know Him more fully. Marriage is worth any struggle I might experience on this Earth because Jenn reveals a piece of God that I couldn’t see by myself. God knew it wasn’t good for us to be alone. We need communion with our spouse so we can get a drop of taste from the bottle of wine which doesn’t even compare to how good it will be in Heaven. Like we taste a 2008 vintage bottle of wine when He has the original bottle ever made for every meal…

Here are some pictures from Moab that my buddy took...obviously very talented!

http://www.jonaspphoto.com/moab/

Family Time

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:19:09 GMT

Hey Family and Friends, I just wanted to announce that Jenn and I are expecting a little girl on June 26, 2008! We are so excited to add another member to our family and Job can’t wait to be a big brother. With that said this will be Jenn’s last week of work and she will be a stay at home wife and mom. (Wife first! At leas that is the order as I see it, ha-ha! No seriously, I’ll have to write on my own personal opinion for that matter at a later time. Law of averages, God, Spouse, Children, Family, Friends…) And since we are going down to one income I will have to cut back on my spending which includes birthday money. Sorry! I know I have been horrible and inconsistent anyways, but know that I think of you on your special days and I have them posted on my calendar at work. Like Dan and Kim celebrated their birthdays on Jan 29^th and Feb 2^nd respectively and Justin turned 17 on the 9^th! Happy Birthday guys! Tom and Karin’s anniversary is tomorrow, Job turns 2 on the 26^th and Scott will be 28 on the 29^th. See how hard it would be for me to keep up with all that…maybe once we get through the sleepless night years I’ll be able to at least send out cards. I do have one last gift to send out which I was hoping to send with Jim and Julie while they were out here to Brandon. It is my body board which I think you will get better use out of than me. It is sweet and a really good one so I hope you will like it. I just have to figure out how to ship something like that!

As for my life, I’m working at United Launch Alliance selling rockets to the Air Force, NASA, NRO and other commercial customers. These are unmanned rockets sending national security, science exploration, mapping, and other satellites. Sounds cool and the business is, but my job is still in front of a computer doing risk management and helping with other business processes and procedures in the earned value business management world. Zzzzzz! I do have dreams of building an indoor soccer complex someday that can double as a church on Sunday mornings. But, still in the planning and dream phase. I started playing basketball on Wednesday evenings on the church team; we are 0-3, awesome! I’ll start back up playing soccer on Friday evenings in May. I’ve been snowboarding once this year, slacker, but I did land every backside 180 attempted! I was supposed to go a second time but they closed down 70 so I ended up in Blackhawk playing 3 card poker with a couple friends. They robbed my lift ticket money!

Other than that, just enjoying being a husband and a dad. I’m looking forward to celebrating our wedding with my family and friends this weekend. Thanks to everyone who is able to make the long trip out, it means a lot for you to sacrifice the time and money that takes. And no hard feelings to those who can’t, it’s hard I know! Jenn and I just appreciate the times we do all get to see each other!

Have a great Valentine’s Day everyone and hope to see you soon!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 14:45:20 GMT

Darn, since I've moved I haven't had my calendar up and I missed a couple B-days. Sorry! I'll be sending out cards; very late I know!

Life is a Story

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 01:38:56 GMT

Somebody has some explaining to do... Have you ever heard that; have you ever said that??? Then, once the story is told you begin to feel empathy or compassion for the person or group. I think that is where I'm learning a lot about myself right now. There is more going on than what I can see, taste, smell, and touch. God has a much larger story that He is intimately involved in and fiercely committed to. One that I can't understand universally, but only a limited view of what I'm part of. The mystery will be made known eventually and I think there will be many "aha" moments when we can see the full glimpse of our life and what the Lord was doing at this point or that. Many times we get to look back and give our own assessment of what the Lord is doing from our past, but I bet it doesn't come close to what He is actually working. I wonder how many little seeds have floated out of my life that have been cultivated. I wonder how many seeds have landed on me that are waiting to be cultivated.

"But in order to make you understand, to give you my life, I must tell you a story," writes novelist Virginia Woolf.

"An adventure is, by its nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not something that we choose." John Elderedge, The Sacred Romance

Sometimes there are things bigger going on in someones life than our questions. I can go to church on any Sunday and see a guitarist looking down at his strum pattern and/or tuning a string all the while saying, "Hallelujah Lord Jesus." I question sometime whether they are saying words to move people or if they are really praising the Lord. Are they focusing on the sound of their instrument or in genuine worship. I can question the motives of someone's heart and express my disagreement on a practice of faith or neglect of tradition. But what does God say and what is He doing? Think of the ways He worked through Scripture. God is creative and does things despite our limited picture of the story.

Why do I write all this and where is this going???? Well, I want to announce that Jenn and I eloped! Yep, we did it!!! I guess when you elope the hard part is communicating that to everyone. Being out of the geographic vicinity of my family I have struggled on how to announce this Sacred union that God has created between Jenn and I. It is such an awesome thing God has done in our lives and we know that the Lord has a plan in this union. We pray often to each other that the Lord may begin to reveal our part in the story. We are looking forward to sharing our happiness with whoever is interested in hearing the story. Know that there is a story and I ask that you will accept the value that we have in our covenant between God and each other. It has been hard for some because they didn't get to see the vows; I didn't expect that. Kind of like baptism I guess...it is an outward confession to what you have already done on the inside. So, keeping that in mind, we will do something in front of many witnesses when we celebrate with all of you for a reception after the holidays. But, for now, this is part of our story and the Lord is working beyond even our own understanding.

This isn't an official announcement but the preface to a much larger story. It is an opening or an invitation for you to ask me about the story and to share in it. Feel free to ask me about our story and to celebrate with us.

Praise the Lord for His blessings!

Pastor Ron Brenning lead us through our marriage counseling back in June and lead us through our vows on September 15th. This is right after the wedding.

This is the setting. It was on a secluded walking path with no room for guests ; )

My Family!

Jenn and I shared communion right before our vows. It was a very special moment to acknowledge the continued sovereignty God has in the details of our lives.

Me and You

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 16:58:21 GMT

There is a mainstream book that has caught my attention over the past few months. Love & Respect. I've been slowly working my way through it since the day Jenn and I started marriage counseling. It talks about the crazy cycle and the energized cycle. Maybe I've written about it before, but I'd like to share some new thoughts from it. Jenn and I have found ourselves on many crazy cycles and I wish I could say that we quickly find our way off this endless reaction of unloving behavior from me to her and disrespect from her to me. However, we usually go round many turns before we let down our pride enough to say I'm sorry and work through the root cause of the cycle. I believe the cycle hinges on something...not sure what exactly and maybe it can be different things pending that particular bout, but at the tiniest molecule in which it centers on I believe you can put the word "self". Pretty simple, but it has become more and more apparent to me that when I'm in self-protection mode, or self-worth mode, or what is best for me mode that we end up on this lengthy parade of cheap shots and sucker punches. Relationships will have struggle; that is truth found in 1 Corinthians 7. This struggle can be mitigated through understanding Paul's words in this same chapter, that my body is not my own. If my body is not my own than why do I try and hedge what is best for me even when it might put Jenn out in some way. Sometimes I even struggle with the idea of being the sole provider while she gets to stay at home with Job and have fun all day. Of course that isn't reality (her having fun all day...my warped mind visualizes her watching soap operas and chatting on the phone about how miserable I am to her while she eats popcorn and orders new shoes from Nordstrom's". It's so funny the perception we have when we are only concerned with what is best for me. We are going to be one flesh which means what is best for me is what I can do to create the best life for her and our family. If the man is to be like Christ than he must carry the burdens of his wife like Christ did for the church. My wife wants me to carry her burden and I've been created with the ability to do so. However, many men hide in fear from this task and leave the women to deal with what the man would say is there own self-created weight. There is no such thing; her burden is yours to carry. The fear is caused by the doubt in yourself and proves your weakness.

Luckily, I've had a good example of the energized cycle. I hope anyone who reads this will put aside 15 minutes a day to lock yourself in a room with your significant other and listen to what needs to be unloaded so forgiveness and reconciliation can happen and a lifetime of happiness can result. Own up... I had to Thursday and Jenn had to Friday...today is Saturday and we've never been more in love...

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 21:36:36 GMT

I want to tell you about my last weekend. I was in the mountains north of Silverthorne over Ute Pass by Henderson Mine. It is a molybdenum mine (moly mine) the largest mine of its type in the world and has the world's longest conveyor belt of its kind stretching 15 miles going through the mountains to Empire, CO...moly is something that is used in a lot of products, but namely plastics. The weekend was a trip called WaawG (Weekend almost alone with God). There were ten people there who I didn't know. A co-worker who invited me was supposed to go but ended up not being able to. I knew I needed the weekend so I went anyway. Six of the ten people there were first timers. The other four were staff. The staff set up all our tents, cooked for us, and took care of all the clean up. There intent was to allow the first timers a distraction free weekend to meet with the Lord.

The funny thing; is that I didn't meet with Him. Not the way I thought I might at least. I was expecting some extra ordinary meeting that gives you tingles but it didn't happen. I never got past the first question that I needed to answer before that special meeting could have taken place. "Do I really want to meet God face to face." This question has many tag-along thoughts like; would I recklessly abandon any path I'm currently on to follow any direction He might give; would I abandon any human attachment that I have to follow that will; would I walk away from the comfortable life that is transpiring... I never answered the question, but I feel like I prepared myself to answer with a resounding, "Yes" in the future. Spiritually I wanted to say "yes" in the moment to have a feel good moment, but I wasn't in a transformed state of mind to commit. It would have been a more, "yeah, yeah I'll do that Lord" and then dismissed by the time I got home because of road rage or some other ploy to distract me from the decisions made.

I decided being spiritual enough to know the right answer didn't make it the right answer. I wanted to wrestle more with the question. I wanted to be relationally, repentfully, correctionally, ready to change. I never answered the question so I never had that face to face meeting. Over 16 hours in the woods alone over three days and i never answered the question. Some of you might be disappointed if the journey stopped there, but it doesn't. I positioned myself to move in a direction where I can gain the strength and relationship needed to recklessly abandon my comfortable desires so that I can completely surrender to my Lord and Savior. I didn't answer the alter call last weekend, but I am on a road toward a closer relationship with my God so that I can in the not so distant future make that decision. I want to say, "Lord, transform my mind regardless of the topic, correction, direction...I will listen, hear, and obey."

We were encouraged to take such trips once a quarter and I think that is a marvelous idea. Four out of 52 weeks I'll be taking a weekend to renew and gain clarity to my walk with Jesus.

So you might ask what I did do this weekend. I calmed my anxiety, I returned to a child like faith, I did child like things like catch minnows with my bare hands, and I took pictures of the little things that I was noticing. Did you know that 40% of all things you are anxious about and 30% more are a result from an unchangeable deed of the past, 12% more focus on the opinions of others that can't be controlled, 10% more center around personal health that only worsens when you worry, and the final 8% is the only percentage of things in your life that you worry about that you might be able to influence. (Max Lucado, Come Thirsty) That brought a lot of calmness to my journey last weekend and I haven't missed a MEANINGFUL devotion time in a week. Below are some pictures of me appreciating the little things...

The crew that I had the pleasure to have this experience with...

What a WaawG looks like. The chair wasn't really needed, but it was nice...

The resources I used...direct revelation from the Bible and general from My Utmost, Ancient Wisdom, God's Promises for you, and Creation.

Some of the little things I noticed...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 13:02:28 GMT

At the Cherry Creek Arts Festival...Denver on a cow...

Job in Boulder on a slide...I think this was on the way to Estes.

Job at Cherry Creek Arts festival. We found a toy store that we couldn't get Job out of.

Job in his new crocs that we got at the toy store.

He isn't much for the pool yet; water is pretty cold. We got him this giant lobster to float around in and of course it needs a shade thingy...

Fishing Hole! We only caught one fish but it was a beautiful place to be catching nothing. Williams Fork Reservoir; free camping and lots of water. They expect the next state record for Northern Pike will be pulled from these waters, but you better take a boat.

On the way to Estes Park there is a Colorado winery. We stopped and they have a large trout pond where you can feed the fish. There are many places to enjoy the scenery like this log swing, but I captured the only scenery I was interested in with this shot. As John Elderedge says, "The Beauty of a beautiful creation." Men, that is how your significant other should be seen in your eyes and treated with your strength.

I think I'm going to start posting like this more often because I'll be more motivated to share pictures from our lives with short captions rather than writing so much. Maybe someday life will be more available to capture it in words, but right now this is all the time I have

Monday, May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 13:52:06 GMT

Happy Birthday Alyssa! I've got cards for you and Justin that I need to send! Sorry for the delay...I'm a slacker!!!

I'm guessing Ryan and Molly are starting to unload their stuff in Ohio right now. It was sad to see them go! Right more later!!!